As a 17-year-old, Josh Forde was in a life-changing car accident. You can listen to Josh’s story about how the medical trauma gave him a newfound perspective and empathy in the latest episode of our podcast, Embracing the Mind, released today. Below is the story of how Josh’s mum, Karen, first feared for her son’s life, then watched with pride as Josh transformed his experience to build a meaningful and purposeful life.
Josh Forde with mum Karen, who says her son has found strength in sharing his story.
Life can change in the blink of an eye.
One Tuesday evening you can be busy preparing for your first day back in the office after an extended Christmas & New Year holiday period. Thinking ahead of what amazing things will be happening this year for your family as you all embark on the new school and work year, starting tomorrow.
You can be preparing your ten-year-old for his first day of year five. You can be preparing dinner for your excited 17-year-old, who wants to just pop out the door quickly for a drive with his mates in the new car they just purchased to get to their year 12 launch the next morning. You can be full of hope and joy for him as his final year of high school has arrived, and with it all the rite-of-passage celebrations: the school ball, getting his license, turning 18, graduating, leavers. You can give him a cheeky kiss goodbye and continue preparing all the things to start the amazing year ahead.
What you can never be preparing for, or will ever be prepared for, is the life changing phone call you get to say your child has been in a car accident.
You certainly are not prepared to arrive at the hospital, be ushered into a room and asked to describe your son and if anyone has informed you of his injuries. You are most definitely not prepared to hear the words fall out of the doctor’s mouth: “If his dad is around, he should get to the hospital as quickly as he can.”
And you are never, ever, prepared to face the reality that hits you in the stomach and takes your breath away when you are told that while your son is alive right now and they are doing all they can, there is no guarantee he will make it through the next hour.
ICU became a battleground where the best medical professionals fought to save our son’s life. I knew how hard they were fighting for him. I also knew how hard he would be fighting too, because that is the kind of superhuman spirit he has always had. Hour by hour, shockwaves reverberated through our family and closest friends as we learned the extent and how many catastrophic injuries he sustained. He fought hard, as I knew he would. Hours turned into days, into weeks, into months before we would hear his voice again, and even many more months before he would be back home with us again.
The traumatic rollercoaster of fear, uncertainty. Watching for the balance of breath and heartbeat was gut-wrenching, but somehow a glimmer of hope would restore us every time he opened his eyes. We could see the determination and resilience inside him, it was extraordinary. Every time he opened his eyes, we had to tell him what had happened. Every time he would start to panic as he couldn’t talk or move. As the weeks and months in hospital went by, we noticed some subtle and some profound shifts in him.
We have always been so proud of our incredible son. From the very start, he has always been so talented in his guitar and basketball playing. He is funny and kind, and oh-so-intelligent. But proud doesn’t adequately articulate the feelings we have about witnessing him face and experience such pain and adversity and to emerge with such resilience. He has missed most of the things he was looking forward to in his rite-of-passage year. He still can’t play his beloved guitar or basketball, yet. He still has many injuries. His recovery journey is going to be long and is still full of such uncertainty, yet the shifts in him have been transformational. It is like he has had a lifetime of metamorphosis that has occurred over 12-15 months. He has learned lessons that takes most of us a lifetime to achieve and live by.
He was quite literally pulled from the wreckage and tells us it has changed his perspective on life significantly, and we see it in action every day. He wisely explains that his eyes are now open in many ways they weren’t before the accident. He appreciates little things he may have taken for granted previously (like when I stop and get his favourite snack on my way home). He treasures authentic friendships, real conversations, and heartfelt connections.
We have always been close, but our relationship has evolved. In the early months when he couldn’t talk we were able to still communicate as there was a level of trust and understanding between us that has just continued to grow. An unbreakable bond where forgiveness flows freely, hugs linger longer, conversations are treasured, and nothing is taken for granted.
He has found strength and courage in sharing his story and journey and thinks that if it helps one person it is worth doing. His recovery is ongoing, uncertain, and messy. Some days are better than others, and some days just absolutely suck. The accident broke many parts of his body, but it sure didn’t break his spirit. Every day is a new day, and a new step on his journey to recovery. I am so inspired by this incredibly wise human, my son, who embraces his scars and is transforming his near-death experience into a meaningful and purposeful life.
Karen with Josh in hospital after the accident.